To make their point, overtalkers may interrupt or talk over someone else, leaving others feeling unheard and dismissed, giving the impression that the overtalker is the only voice that matters.
Many employees process information verbally. That is, they think through a problem out loud. This can be overwhelming to colleagues who have already processed the information or simply do not think in that manner. Overtalkers don’t recognize that their behavior alienates them from their teammates.
Overtalking might merely be an impulsive oversharing or stream of consciousness. These folks use talking as a way of connecting with others and being social; however, they do not understand that dialogue is a tentative balance of input and output. As they attempt to fill the silence, they fail to get the conversational equilibrium right.
The first step in managing the overtalker is not jumping to conclusions.
Reasons for Chronic Talking
It is tempting to label a chronic talker a selfish egotist. However, people overtalk for many reasons totally unrelated to ego.
Studies in the 1990s found that about one in 20 people overtalks. This frenetic pattern of communication is usually triggered by a sense of inadequacy, which is so habitual that an individual has little awareness that they are overtalking. Much research has linked overtalking to anxiety, a short attention span, or arrogance.
Anxiety is usually due to a lack of self-confidence, heightened self-consciousness, or discomfort in social situations. The more self-conscious an overtalker becomes, the more anxious they may feel and the less able they are to regulate their stress response of talking. While an individual may come across as confident and socially adept, low-level anxiety often sits just below the surface and is not obvious to a casual observer.
Some characteristics of attention-deficit disorder manifest themselves in overtalking. Adults with ADHD may be impulsive, interrupting others, or talking excessively.
Arrogance is also a trigger for excessive talking when social understanding and awareness are low. An individual can be so self-absorbed that they are not aware of their colleagues’ annoyance and continue to monopolize the conversation.
Managing the Overtalker
The first step in managing the overtalker is not jumping to conclusions. Rather, take the time to determine why the person is a chronic chatterer. If you can determine if the trigger is narcissistic behavior or merely anxiety, it will guide you in choosing the most helpful response.
You can begin to curb the behavior of a chronic talker by using subtle cues. For example, you might respond calmly and change the pace of the conversation. Many times, people will mimic this small change and can be redirected to more appropriate conversational techniques. Pair this strategy with physically leaning away from the person and avoiding eye contact. If these small actions do not work, try glancing at your watch or phone and see if the person will respond to a more overt cue.
In spite of the fact that our parents taught us that it is rude to interrupt someone, that just might be the best strategy. Try interrupting their monologue to see if the person yields. Sometimes the overtalker is accustomed to being interrupted, and this strategy works well.
What if the chronic communicator interrupts or talks over you? This is also common. Gently raise your hand and politely indicate that you were not quite finished with your thought.
If you suspect the person is a narcissist, there might not be any other option but to try to escape. Try a firm, “Excuse me!” followed by a statement indicating that you have an appointment.
If you are the team leader, try setting parameters for discussion that limit the chronic talker’s airtime. Coach team members about how to speak in headlines, offer enough information for clarity, refrain from repeating information that has been previously stated, and set agendas and time limits for meetings.
If someone significantly deviates from the task at hand, create a “parking lot” where specific points are recorded and can be revisited at a more appropriate juncture. With these expectations, the overtalker might be able to refocus on more productive outcomes.
Sometimes you are cornered by this chatterer outside of meetings. Under these circumstances, it might be best to take preemptive action. Let him know that you have a couple of minutes to chat and then have to move on to something else. This might seem rude, but chronic talkers are used to this type of interaction and often receive the message very well.
When You Are the Overtalker
If you suspect that you might be guilty of overtalking, take McCroskey and Richmond’s self-assessment (see Additional Resources). It is a simple rating scale that will let you know if you might be annoying your friends and colleagues with too much chatter.
If you believe you might be overtalking, it is never too late to become mindful of the give and take in the conversation and focus on subtle cues people give when they have become disengaged. Look for patterns of times when you overtalk and think about whether your comments add value to the conversation. Finally, remember, a conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.
Taking Time to Retrain
Chronic talking might stem from a variety of causes, none of which makes it easy to be on the receiving end of a diatribe. Using cues, overt actions, and coaching, we can help our colleagues focus their thoughts and engage in higher-level discussions. It might take time to “retrain” someone, but setting expectations and boundaries for communication will elevate everyone’s feelings of productivity and create more positive interactions.