Although COVID-19 brought the relationship between work and mental well-being into clearer focus, mental health continues to be an often-unspoken challenge, especially for those in high-responsibility positions. Recent research indicates that 76% of U.S. workers reported experiencing at least one symptom of a mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression, in 2021— a significant increase from previous years.
The pressures in the demanding field of school business management can be immense, yet discussions about mental well-being often remain in the shadows. By sharing my personal journey through mental health struggles, I aim to break the silence and stigma surrounding mental health in our profession. My story is a powerful reminder that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that support is available.
As you read about my journey, I encourage you to reflect on your own mental health and that of those around you. Let's foster a community where open conversations about mental well-being are accepted and encouraged.
Let's foster a community where open conversations about mental well-being are accepted and encouraged.
When Darkness Fell
It was fall 2010. I had just withdrawn from the seminary formation program of the Diocese of Scranton and returned to my seasonal security officer position with the Hazleton Area School District. I had not yet found my passion, and while I had not given up my search, I felt an immovable sadness. Darkness began to creep in, like the seasonal change from summer sunlight to fall and winter darkness.
By that November, I felt as though I had hit rock bottom. I can’t point to any particular event that caused the feeling; I was at the lowest point I had ever been. Seeing no escape, I decided to end my life. I came up with a plan: I’d take some pills, mix them with alcohol, and then go to sleep and not wake up the next morning.
The night before I decided to carry out my plan, Bruno, my golden retriever, charged into my room, jumped on my bed, lay beside me, and would not leave my side the entire evening. I felt another presence in the room as well, and that presence kept me from carrying out my plan, restoring hope in the darkness.
After that night, I slowly began to feel happiness, joy, and light again.
Peter Bard’s beloved golden retrievers Oliver and Bruno provided love and comfort when Bard needed it most.
Photos courtesy of Peter Bard
A Winding Road
I experienced mountains of happiness and valleys of sadness over the next few years. In 2015, my girlfriend noticed the valleys getting worse and worse. She suggested that I see a doctor, which I did. I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety, sent to therapy with a psychologist, and given medication.
My journey from then to this day has been a winding road of changing therapists, changing medications, and continuing the daily struggle of mental health. One thing I learned very early is that you are never cured of depression or anxiety — you simply learn to deal with it.
You learn to deal with the shakiness of anxiety, the increased pressure brought on by stress, and the unique ability to understand human emotions because you, yourself, have felt the pain of ups and downs, the low-energy days, and how good it feels to have normal energy days.
Then 2020 happened. March 2020, to be exact. When the pandemic shut everything down, I couldn’t see a therapist, couldn’t go to the doctor, couldn’t go to work, couldn’t go to church. Basically, everything was taken away with a press conference about a virus that no one knew anything about.
Peter Bard’s beloved golden retrievers Oliver and Bruno provided love and comfort when Bard needed it most.
Photos courtesy of Peter Bard
Challenge After Challenge
I was fine for the first few months of the shutdown, but then I hit the wall again. I had just started my position as a school business official at a local school district. I realized that I was struggling because some of my responsibilities were over my head, and the staff was not as well-versed as I had assumed they would be when I took the job three months prior. Now that we were working from home, everything was virtual, including meetings with my superintendent and school board.
I was a young professional and had been an SBO for less than three years. Support from PASBO and ASBO was fantastic, but the stress of my position added to my mental health struggles. I hit the deep valley of suicidal ideation again in May 2020. I went back to my plan of pills, alcohol, and not waking up the next day. I felt like a loser, like a failure, like I couldn’t face the superintendent or the school board who put their faith and trust in me, and I couldn’t let them know I couldn’t complete the tasks they hired me to do.
However, the night before I intended to carry out my plan, Oliver, my new golden retriever Oliver (Bruno passed away from cancer in 2017), barged into my room during a tear-filled session I was having. He would not leave my side. He lay next to me, kissing me and keeping his head on my lap, not allowing me to be overcome by the sadness. I also personally found comfort once again through my connection with God.
The next day, I started coming out of the darkness. Compelled to tell people that I was struggling and to seek professional advice, I spoke to my superintendent about my struggles on the job, and we brainstormed about getting some support for me. The next week, we talked to the school board about the additional support, and they approved the plan with no reservations.
A few days later, video visits with doctors started back up again. I was able to get my medications adjusted, connect with my therapist, and continue on my journey.
On the anniversary date of my ideation, I burned the suicide note I had written for my family as part of the therapy, along with my suicide plan, so I could put it out of my mind — which I did. I continue my treatment and medication to this day. I go to therapy every two or three weeks, and I go to my primary care physician every six months for follow-ups. I also continue to practice and am strengthened by my personal faith.
My Message to You
During my nearly eight years as an SBO, I have transitioned to increasingly larger districts, and while I cannot say it’s always been smooth sailing, I recognize when I am feeling overwhelmed. Those are the times I am most likely to make errors and feel depressed. My response is very different from what it was 15 years ago.
My messages to you, whether you are struggling or not, are simple:
- Make your wellness a priority. Recognize and admit that sometimes you need to step away from your job, whether it’s for a couple of hours, several days, or weeks. It seems to be a “badge of honor” to have 100+ sick or vacation days when you retire. But at what cost? Remember, your colleagues, family, and friends need you at your best. Take the time to recharge your mental health — it’s important to your overall health.
- Say something. If you are struggling with your job or responsibilities at work, or even outside work, say something. Ask for help. You never know how supportive your superintendent and school board will be until you share your struggles and ask for their support. The superintendents and boards in every district I have worked with have supported me in every way. That doesn’t mean we agree on everything, but we still support each other.
I hope reading about my journey will help my fellow SBOs and those working with them to look inside themselves to see if they are struggling. Speak out, speak up, and always be there for each other.
Mental Health Resources
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration provides tools and resources to individuals living with mental and substance use disorders and their family members and caregivers.
SAMHSA operates a National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) that offers 24-hour free and confidential treatment referral and important resources on prevention and recovery from mental and/or substance use disorders. The helpline is available in English and Spanish.
SAMHSA funds a toll-free 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline that is available 24x7 and offers help in 150 languages. You can call or text 988 or chat with the lifeline.
Mind Share Partners is a nonprofit that offers toolkits and resources to help organizations provide mental health support and create a mentally healthy workplace.